'24' Reasons to Be Excited About Jack Bauer's Return
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
24: Redemption airs in mere days. Jack Bauer will, finally, return to our TV screens this Sunday, November 23, for a two-hour prequel film. It's been nearly two years since 24 last aired new episodes on FOX, and all of us 24 fans have been waiting in agony for the series to return. In the interim, there was a writers' strike, Kiefer Sutherland spent time in the slammer, and a new president was elected. Days away from Bauer's triumphant return, it felt like the right time to consider why we should all be excited for 24 to be back on the air. I know you love lists. Everyone loves lists. Check it out below.
Because Jack Bauer makes Chuck Norris look like a beached Manatee, and those stupid jokes need to end.
Because it's been almost two years since someone bit a terrorist's neck off on network television.
Because of “Beep. Beep. Beep...”
Because Chloe O'Brian hasn't pissed my friends off since 2006.
Because of “Damn it!!!!”
Because with 90210, Gossip Girl, Grey's Anatomy and Dancing with the Stars, someone needs to balance out the universe.
Because Jack Bauer probably knows how to solve recessions. Let's just hope he tells us.
Because without David Palmer, there would be no Barack Obama (at least according to David Palmer).
Because if Jack Bauer can go to Africa and do good, we can all at least remember to recycle.
Because Carlos Bernard needed work.
Because Jon Voight is the new bad guy and, in his life he has played the likes of Coach Bud Kilmer, a Midnight Cowboy, Howard Cosell, and a litany of bad, bad guys. He also fathered Angelina Jolie. Impressive, sir.
Because 24 is the crack cocaine of the TV world, and I've gone nearly two years without a fix. Hit me! Hit me!
Because I can envision Hilary Clinton, at home, watching Cherry Jones as 24's new president, and cursing maniacally at the screen while Bill watches on, popcorn in hand, quietly telling Hilary to shut up.
Because the only thing Thanksgiving week has always been missing is Jack Bauer thwarting terrorists. Goes great with candied yams.
Because, after the election season, the FOX News team needs a vessel to vicariously release all their vitriol, and Jack Bauer is the person to help them along in these trying times.
Because, if you time it just right, you can watch Andy Rooney's segment on 60 Minutes, and then catch the start of 24: Redemption. This is as close as any human will ever get to time travel.
Because freedom isn't free unless Jack Bauer is thwarting nameless renegades and torturing in the name of America.
Because the Desperate Housewives Drinking Game isn't very fun.
Because we'll finally learn whether Jack's over-sized man purse retains its magical qualities outside of LA County.
Because of BauerCount.comBecause we get to meet one of Jack Bauer's old friends (yes, he has friends!), in the form of Robert Carlyle, who is also a bad ass.
Because 24: Redemption takes place in or around the year 2013, which means it's the future. I fully expect there to be hover-boards.
Because we all need to collectively forget about season 6.
Because it's JACK EFFING BAUER! IT'S 24! IT'S BACK!